A version of this article has also been  published at the Globe and Mail (link here) 

There’s a lot of complexity in our world, one of which is happening on the political front right now. I’m not a political columnist nor expert by any means but as I read the news the word ‘bully’ keeps surfacing.  As we all try to make sense of what seems nonsensical behaviour from U.S President Trump, the details and motives keep shifting. But bullying is a theme that endures.  This prompted me to address bullying in the workplace — in a recent article for my Globe and Mail column.

Bullying on the grand political stage is a big deal. But it is also a big deal in any other context – such as the workplace. If you have ever experienced bullying behaviour from someone at work, you know it can be tough to navigate. It can be stressful, confusing, unsettling – and take a toll on your personal and professional wellbeing. I know from personal experience (many, many years ago). If only I knew then what I know now.

Why do people bully?

We often assume we know the reason for the bullying behaviour based on the person’s actions. But often the surface behaviour may not make any sense. Looking at the current political threat of a trade war, is it really about tariffs? Or is it about the 1 per cent fentanyl issue? Or is it about allowing US banks to operate in Canada? Or about making Canada the 51^st state? Or wait, maybe it’s about our maple syrup – yes, that must it! They want our trees so they can make Canadian maple syrup!

Of course, it may be about none of the above. Reasons for bullying behaviour in any context can often be vastly different from what we see and think we understand.

Sometimes it is just for show – for others to see. To signal who has the greater power. To establish oneself as the alpha boss. Or perhaps there are other reasons that we can’t see because the bullied are merely pawns in a bigger strategic chess game (in the bully’s mind) that goes beyond the issue of the day.

This holds true for bullying on any stage be it political or within our own lives – workplaces included.

SO WHAT TO DO?

 These thoughts are for workplace bullying. I am not offering advice for the political arena which is far more complex.

Photo courtesy of Helio42 at Pixabay

Get Curious: Slow down the assumptions and spend time wondering a little more what is beneath your bully’s behaviour. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking it is just one issue and once fixed the bullying will stop.

If you respond to their first act of bullying, they know they have you. Don’t be surprised when another seemingly weird reason for more bullying may surface.

Think of the kid who bullies another kid for their lunch. It’s not about the lunch sandwich. They want something else. Power? Status? Influence?

From playground or workplace, the bully wants something, and you are the target to help them get it. You might be the direct threat. Or just a pawn in their purpose.

Consider your work bully. Do they feel threatened by you in some way. Maybe they see  you as an obstacle to their career goals. Were they the rising star and then you came along? Maybe they feel insecure and don’t even understand their own why? Or maybe, it has nothing at all to do with you. You are simply being used for their greater purpose.

Confront/Approach Privately:  Appeasing a bully’s constant threats may not work. Instead confront the bully directly. But do it privately. Shaming a bully publicly may not go well. It may fuel their egotistic fire. They are all about image, saving face, and looking good.

But showing your strength quietly (and privately) may at least send the message that you won’t passively allow unacceptable behaviour.

Ask Questions: Rather than threatening them, seek to understand by asking them genuine questions about what it is they want or are unhappy about. Ask how you can work together – maybe as allies rather than fierce competitors? The bully might expect  force from you so coming at them with a gentler, collaborative approach might surprise and disarm them. You might discover what is behind their behavior. Or you might not. A bully might still hold their cards close to their chess.

The situation may not necessarily change immediately. You may need to lean in a few times before the bully gets the message that you are not playing into their chess game. And indeed, you may need to speak more directly to them in a way that signals you aren’t backing down. Bullies feed on perceived weakness but strength can be subtle and shown with grace.

There is no guarantee this will work. Every situation is unique. The point is not to waste all your energy (or play all your cards) trying to fix something that may not be the real issue. Sometimes the bullying behaviour simply ends, and they go on to bully someone else. If indeed you were merely a pawn in their chess game, the bullying may dissipate, and you can go back to your work – your real work.

Of course, if bullying in the workplace happens over time without repercussions to the bully, then there is a problem with the workplace culture. Core values on the corporate wall and website are merely words unless the workplace walks the talk and there are consequences. But that’s another issue perhaps for another article sometime.

For now, I don’t profess to know all the answers to bullying challenges – especially on the political front! But doing nothing or doing the wrong thing can only exasperate the issue. Try strength but from a different vantage point. See what happens.

Eileen Chadnick, PCC, of Big Cheese Coaching, is an ICF credentialed, two-time ICF (International Coaching Federation) Prism award winner, who works with leaders (emerging to experienced), and organizations, on navigating, leading and flourishing in times of flux, opportunity and challenge. She is the author of Ease: Manage Overwhelm in Times of Crazy Busy.